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Our close companions with a woman, who has overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she has been constantly blindsided in relationships. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both retired leading to more time together, however, I feel my role in our friendship is to listen. I start discussion points but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She has been planning a holiday to a country I've visited many times even called home for a while. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She purely solely sought me to confirm her choices. I have returned from a month in that place and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute on this point. Your feelings are valid, of course. Finally is to ask how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they're unable to abandon since their identity relies on it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present defensively then consider your perspective. If you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you closure from having been open and direct.